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Stories and poems
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Bob is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Harris standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Bob, curious to find out what's happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, 'Excuse me Farmer Harris, could you tell me what you are you doing?'
'I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize, 'the farmer replies.
'A Nobel Prize?' enquires Bob, puzzled. 'How?'
'Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.'
Lesson in Employee Relationship
Steve Cleary was in his early 50's, retired and had started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. However, he was a good worker, really clever, so the owner was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Steve into the office for a talk.
'Steven, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a top class job, but you're being late so often is quite a worry.'
'Yes, I realise that, sir, and I am working on it.' replied Steve.
'I'm pleased to hear that, you are a team player. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Royal Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?'
'They said, "Good morning, Admiral".'
Reginald's New Diet
Reginald was terribly overweight, so his doctor placed him on a strict diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds, 'his doctor assured him.
When Reginald returned he shocked his doctor by having lost almost twenty pounds.
'Why, that's amazing, 'the doctor said, greatly impressed, 'You certainly must have followed my instructions.'
Reginald nodded, 'I'll tell you what though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day.'
'Why, from hunger?' asked his doctor.
'No, from all that skipping.'